What the Hell
by LQTM
Summary: Aizen sends Grimmjow and Ulquiorra on a mission to the world of the living. Name calling, insults and other random things will happen. please Review
1. Chapter 1

Ok well this is my first FanFic so I don't know how this will turn out but a special thanks to Paper Bullet for giving me some ideas.

For the reader: I can get pretty random sometimes

I don't own any of the characters or get anything for this fan fiction it is for entertainment only.

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"God this place is boring" mumbled Grimmjow as he walked through the halls of Las Noches.

Ulquiorra sighed "why don't you find something more productive to do then complain about it then".

"Don't you think I've fucking tried and that's the problem there is nothing to fucking do in this god damn place". We can't all be "Mister Emo face no emotion sit in a dark room and stare out a window all fucking day". Believe me I've tried and I can't do it I have to do something and since Aizen has told us not to leave Heuco Mundo I can't even go fight that Kurosaki kid just for the hell of it.

"Are you done now" asked Ulquiorra

"You know what Ulquiorra Fu…" Grimmjow did not get to finish his statement because of a certain ex soul reaper that interrupted him.

"Hello gentlemen" said Gin as he walked toured them making Grimmjow go quite.

Ulquiorra and Grimmjow both bowed one out of respect the other just because he did not feel like being messed with today by the fox like ex-Shinigami at the moment.

"I hope both of you are headed to the meeting hall for Lord Aizen's mandatory meeting it starts in about 15 minutes".

"Of cores master Gin" replied Ulquiorra.

When they got there they took their respective sets at the long meeting table and waited for Aizen to begin.

The plan has changed a little said Aizen.

So I am now lifting the restriction on going to the world of the living for now but you are not to confront any of the Shinigami that are there. If you do decide to go you will be there simply there to observe and then report back.

But I do have a mission for two of you Ulquiorra and Grimmjow this will be a retrieval mission nothing else the two people I need to have you both to retrieve are not to be harmed in any way.

As he said this he looked deictically at Grimmjow. But if you are meet with any resistant's form any other that might be a threat then I will allow you to use force to subdue them but not kill them understand.

The 2 nodded.

Well then if there are no questions then this meeting is over Ulquiorra, Grimmjow please come with me so you can be briefed on what you are to do.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok so I will try to make this chapter a lot longer but I get distracted or in a hurry and end up cutting it short (that's what happened the first time) but I will try not to. :) Oh yea and the parts that are in () means that they're thinking it.

* * *

Grimmjow walked out of the briefing room with his hand in his pockets followed by Ulquiorra. "Well now you can't complain about having nothing to do now can you Grimmjow" said Ulquiorra

"Shut the fuck up I really don't want to have to hear your voice right now. So don't talk to me you got that"?

"Trash" (not like I want to talk to you, I don't need anyone, all I need is my dark corner and I'll be fine.)

Well I see you at the exit to the world of the living after I pack up the things I need since we might be there for a wile said Grimmjow as he walked off in the direction of his room leaving Ulquiorra to his thoughts.

It was 15 minutes before they were scheduled to leave and Grimmjow was tired of waiting even though he had only been there for 3 minutes.

"Finely I've been here waiting for you all god damn day what the hell took you so fucking long" yelled Grimmjow as he saw Ulquiorra walking down the hall in his direction.

'What? Did you go sit in a dark corner and think of how you were going to survive the world of the living with its sun and all?"

Well aren't we in a mood today or did u not get your catnaps like you're used to. (How did he know about the corner?)

Never mind and let's get this fucking retrieval shit done with all ready if I can't kill the Kurosaki brat then what is the point in starting a fight with him anyway mumbled the sexta espada as he walked to the exit. Sighing Ulquiorra followed behind and out into the world of the living.

* * *

It was dark and the stars were out and the moon was full a nice change for the ever present sliver off a moon of Heuco Mundo. The fourth and sixth espada stood on top of one of the tall buildings that graced the Karakura town sky line.

"Well, were should we start looking Emo face"

"I really wish you would stop calling me that"

"Well then why don't you change the way you look and then I'll stop calling you that'

"Maybe I like the way I look"

"Well then I shall keep calling you Emo face mister Emo face for you are an Emo face"

"Well then fine keep calling me "Emo Face" kitty

"Hey I am not a kitty! (I'm a panther)

"Well I'll stop when you stop "

"HA like that will ever happen if I have to be stuck with you I am certainly going to make the best of it even if it hurts your fucking feelings."(Not like he has any)

"I have no feelings." (Why must he be so mean*sobs*)

(I knew it!)

What do these two look like anyway?

Ulquiorra took out the paper that Gin had given him.

Well one is a red head with humongous boobs. (Well that's helpful)

And? What about the other one aren't we supposed to grab two of em?

Yes I was getting to that if you would have a little patience. The other one is a soul reaper by the name of Rukia.

Rukia? I think I've heard that name before. Flashback (tiny soul reaper short midget like I punched a hole in her Kurosaki yelled) end flashback. Oh yea I remember her weak little midget.

Well she might have been then but apparently she has grown stronger since the last time you have meet her.

"Yea right I could still kill her with two hits maybe one if I had to so why don't you go get big boobs and I'll get midget girl and meet back here when were done sound good to you wait why am I asking I don't give a damn what you think or what you want to do."

"See ya later Emo Face" he yelled as e flew off into the distance.

(I'm not an Emo Face)

* * *

Ulquiorra walked around town looking for this red head with big boobs he was supposed to bring to Aizen wile Grimmjow looked for Rukia.

At least the sexta has a name to go on all he had was a description and not a very good one at that. (I wonder where I should start looking for a red head with big boobs.) I bet Grimmjow would know seeing as how he knew her friend they might be together and then what was he to do just sit around and wait for him to come back.

Well as long as I'm here I might as well look for someone that fits here description. He walked for a while in the disserted streets

"I wonder what I should make for dinner tonight" came a voice from the other side of the street.

O I know how about Rice with fish, peanuts, leeks all in a honey and soy sauce past. That sounds good and I might add some of that stuff in that can that looks green.

Ulquiorra shuddered that sounded dreadfully awful. He looked across the street and saw her, a red head with well let's say she had her assets and it was not her cooking.

"Well that was easy enough all I had to do was walk around and she came to me."

He went across the street and stopped in front of her.

Oh w-who are you?

That is not important you are to come with me.

* * *

"I wonder where the hell she is". (She is probably with Kurosaki so if I find him I'll find her)

Grimmjow jumped from building roof to building roof looking for any sign of Rukia.

(To bad I'm not allowed to kill Kurosaki, but I might as well ruff him up a bit and get him good and mad so he might come and save the little midget)

As the sexta espada neared a park he sensed her.

"Well, well, well I guess I don't have to look anymore."

He jumped and landed in one of the many tall trees keeping his presence unknown to his unsuspecting pray.

"Rukia your drawings suck why do you keep trying to explain thing to me with those crappie things."

Hey what are you going to do with that branch? Hey wait a minute I, I, I, didn't mean it I, hey think of what you're about to do here oh god!

Your dead Kurosaki, you have insulted my art work for the last time!

"I really wouldn't call what you drew art work"

"YOU NEVER LEARN DO YOU"*hits Ichigo with the branch*

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" *Ichigo falls to ground unconscious*

"Well that will teach you to insult my beautiful art work ever again"

"What the fuck that midget really is crazy"

"Hey whose there!"

(Well time to make my entrance) Grimmjow jumped out of the tree and landed with feline like grace in front of Rukia.

Hello Rukia it's been a wile hasn't it. He said with an evil grin.


	3. Chapter 3

Still don't own a thing;) oh yea and I'll try not to forget quotient marks this time.

Rukia looked up at the tall espada.

"Y y your and that espada that punched a hole in me."

"Hey I'm glad you remembered me Rukia it's been awhile I thought you might have forgotten."

"How could I have forgotten the person who almost killed me"?

"Hey how am I supposed to know who you do and don't remember"?

"Why are you here"?

"You'll find out right about now." Grimmjow moved closing the gap in between them. Picking Rukia up, through her over shoulder and started back to where he was to meet Ulquiorra.

"Hey what the hell do you think you're doing"! She screamed as she kicked and hit him.

(Well for one trying not to get kicked in the face) "Aizen has requested your presence in Las Noches. So I am to deliver you to him".

"Well maybe I don't want to go and grace him with my presence".

'Ha don't make me laugh, you think you can stop me from taking you there I would like to see you try".

"GOD DAMNIT PUT ME DOWN"! Yelled Rukia as she continued to beat on his back with her fists. (I need to think of a new way to get away from him)

(I have it) Rukia moved around as much as she could and got her hands were she could reach his hair.

Hey what the hell are you doing back there! Yelled the sexta espada.

"What does it look like I'm doing I'm trying to get away." (DUH)

"And you think pulling my hair is gonna work"?(that's a pretty random way to try to get away.)

"It might" (as long as I keep annoying him like this he will have to put me down and I can run for it.)

(Awww it's so soft, you wouldn't think it was but his hair is silky smooth I love it)

"Hey stop it! your gonna mess it up if you keep running you fingers through it!"(Though it feels pretty good, kinda makes me want to fall asleep. I think I liked her pulling it better.")

"Do you use conditioner"?

"What the hell is conditioner"? And will you stop messing with my hair its fucking annoying.(If only I could cero her ass and get this over with.)

"Like Omg you don't use conditioner then how's your hair so soft?"(Must resist running fingers through his heavenly soft hair)*grabs other hand in attempt to resist*

(Thank god were close to where Emo face is gonna meet us.)

"Well it took you a long time didn't it"

"Shut the hell up Ulquiorra this girl is fucking crazy she won't stop messing with my hair so I had to drag her here and I swear she has a fucking obsession with bunnies or something"

"Well at least you got her now let's go"

A/N : Ok this is the last chapter I'm going to do if I don't get some reviews I don't care if there long short just anything even if it is totally random just say either you like it or you hate it and that will be fine with me cause I have only got 2 reviews so far and it makes me sad well just a little but still and thanks for the 2 people that did review(xTexyArkx ) and(NinjaBunnyOverlord).

Now for a piece of random info that you could live without.

Did you know that if you type Orihime in a word document and its says its spelt wrong, well if you right click it will come up with Orifice. See told you it was random now you have wasted that time reading this and you will never get it back Muhahahaha.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you all who reviewed. I guess I'm going to finish this story after all. To all the people that reviewed (and liked it) I will try my best to make this story worth your while.

Yall this chapter is for you. (Damn that's corny, oh well)

Omg so sorry I am taking so long I get distracted with reading other fan fictions and other things the curse of having ADD.

* * *

"Can I touch your hair again?"

"No"

"Please"

"No'

"Pretty please with sugar on top and a Chappy bunny to make it all better."

"Fuck no and who the hell is Chappy"

"Hey Emo faces are we close? I don't know how much more I can take of this"

"For once I agree with you and yes we are almost there".( if I don't get away from this Orihime girl I think my ear is going to fall off, and I don't know if it will grow back like my eye.)

"So why do you were that make up, are you gay, why does he call you Emo face, are we there yet, is there food were we are going, where's your hollow hole, do you like red bean paste, why don't you talk, do these pants make my butt look big, why is it so dark, do you have night vision, am I bothering you?"

"So many questions*eye twitch* said in so short a time span*shoulder twitch*"

"O thank god we're here this crazy midget is trying to attack my hair and saying something about this bunny called chappy".

"Hey Ulquiorra why you all twitchy not that I care but its kinda freaking me out."

"No reason and it's not your business, trash"

"What the hell did you just call me Emo face?"

"I know you heard me so please don't make me reiterate myself again."

I'll show you where you can sti……"

"O hello I see you're back from your retrieval mission and just in time for the meeting" came a voice from behind,

"Master Gin! I thought you would be at the meeting." Said Ulquiorra.

"I was sent by Aizen to come retrieve you and take you the meeting hall'

The meeting Hall place.

"Now that everyone is here we can begin"

**Grimmjow**

Aizen began his meeting, not like I was paying attention I never did what was the point in listing to stuff that either I already knew or that had no affect on me what so ever.

"Now we have two new guests here at Las Noches their names are Orihime, and Rukia and I expect that they would be treated with respect and are not to be harmed"

But there is a problem of where they will be staying hum let me think o Ulquiorra, Grimmjow neither of you have fractions so you have empty rooms next to your quarters that is where our 2 new guests will be staying Rukia you will be staying with Grimmjow and Orihime will be staying with Ulquiorra.'

"Now doesn't that just work out wonderfully?"

"Meeting dismissed"

Huh, wait what just happened I dose off for one second and all of a sudden I have to share a room with psycho midget over here hell no I don't think so.

"Hey don't call me a psycho midget" (I was never medically classified as psycho only deeply disturbed)

'Grimmjow there is no point in complaining the meeting is over and it is our duty to watch over Aizen-sama's gusts" said Ulquiorra

"Damn it all, well come on midget lets go"

"I am not a midget I'm vertically challenged"

"Well from where I'm standing you're a midget and that's that"

"Why you"*tackles him to floor*

"What the hell! You really are psycho get the hell off me you deranged midget"

"Take it back or I'm gonna kido you ass to the next century kitty boy!"

"Like hell I am and don't call me kitty boy do I look like a kitty to you"

"Yes you do and if you don't take it back I'm gonna keep calling you that till you do"

"Well good luck with that"

"Fine have it you way"

* * *

Ok well that is the end of that one I'm not gonna update till I get 5 reviews on this one

(I need some time to get it together)

So until then

By By for now,

LQTM


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

Ok people I know people are reading this or at least looking at it so why cant yall review is not that hard just push a button and then type 2 to 3 words or even 1 word will do I just need some reviews that's all I'm asking. Never mind that I just got a review so it's all good now

This chapter is all dialog .

* * *

Rukia 

"So this is your room" (they must really like the color white around here)

"No this is the broom closet of cores this is my room cant you tell from what's in here."

"Well excuse me I'm not from here maybe I thought that it was a big broom closet"

"Just leave me alone I'm not in the mood to mess with midgets right now" he says as he falls onto the bed

(Well this is boring what am I supposed to do just stand here like an idiot)

"Hey kitty boy what is there to do around here I'm board"

"Don't call me kitty boy and there ante nothing to do around here I would know I've looked."

"There has to be something to do Aizen can't just expect you to sit around all day/night or whatever it is"

"Yep he does, so that's what we do"

"Ha-ha hey did you know yep means sex in Russian"

"Uhh no and how did you find that out" (now that was random)

"What do you think I do with all that time in Ichigo's closet, sleep, I Google stuff *yells* Google knows all*

"Ok then, I really think you need to lay off spending all your time inside a dark closet before you snap'

"I will not "snap" as you so bluntly put it (ha once you snap you can't snap again so I'm safe) MUHAHAHA

"Umm just a quick question why are you laughing like a maniac"

"Just go look around or something I don't want to babysit you"

"Well fine then but if I get nabbed by some other arrancar and they hurt me your gonna get the blame.

"Why should I care" (I wonder if there is any duck tape around here)

"Why should you care? Well for one I'm your responsibility and two you need me"

"What the hell, what makes you think I need you, I just fucken meat you, you really are insane"

"For the last time I'm not insane it's called deeply disturbed got that kitty boy, deeply D-I-S-T-U-R-B-E-D

"Or in other words you're a C-R-A-Z-Y bitch"

"Hey don't call me a bitch it's not nice"

"Ok I can't take it anymore where is that fucking duck tape!"

* * *

One hour latter 

"Muferfuferletmeoutfighnow"!!

"Sorry Rukia I can't understand what you're saying" (thank god to whoever invented duck tape)

*screams really loudly while rocking back in forth in chair she is duck taped to*

"Ahh peace at last now I can go to sleep'

Hey here is a random tidbit for your entertainment.

Did you know that the lack of a personality is a personality in itself

Yea I know weird

Well now that you have read now pleas review so I know if I should keep this story going or if I should drop it like it's hot (omg I can't believe it just said that0


	6. Chapter 6

Ok so this chapter might be a little strange (I had a little too much caffeine today)

And I know Rukia is OOC but that just can't be helped right now so sorry if it bothers you.

O sorry if I'm being bitchy I just got grounded (yey me, it tends to happen a lot)

Ok well this chapter has a lot of Ulquiorra in it and seeing as how he don't talk a lot there are quite a few ( ) those things.

Enjoy (hopefully)

* * *

Ulquiorra

(I wonder if this human has a mute button. She never shuts up I don't know how much more I can take of this before I go completely insane like that soul reaper. What was her name…..R… r something o Rukia that's what her name was, still is. That is if Grimmjow hasten killed her already')

Meant to be read in rapid succession --- "Why is it so white around here, what is with those outfits. Do I get one, I'm hungry when is dinner, do have any pets ,are you on drugs, why don't you talk ,is there something wrong, why do you have lines down your face, do you have Halloween here, what holidays do you practice, is this my room, why r you looking at me like that, hey what's that duck tape for, why did you sit me in this chair, why are you tapping me to the chair. Why are you putting tape over my mouth, muy ore you pudding me in a kosset?"

"AWWW"(peace at last)

* * *

1 week later

Aizen- 'So how are things going with our guests"

(Well apart from me wanting to kill that midget ok I guess) "They are going well lord Aizen'.

"Orihime is also doing quite well" (if you call making me contemplate suicide going well)

Well that is good to here I hope you 2 are taking good care of them, you are dismissed."

* * *

Grimmjow & Rukia 

Plleeeeaseee!

"No, why don't you just leave me alone ( I don't know how much I can fucken take of this!)

"Come on just let me touch it once and I wont ask you or say another word for the rest of the day.

-sigh-" ok fine then but if u mess p my hair I will kill you.

YEY! *runs her fingers through Grimmjow's hair over and over again*

(hum this isn't half bad makes me want to fall asleep.)

(AWW his hair is so soft its like a kittens fur I love it)

(must not fall asleep…... Cant resist eyelids heavy……….)

Grimmjow?... are you ….(yep he is …..and is he purring?..... OMFG he is purring, just like a cat)

* * *

Ulquiorra

(Thank god that crazy girl finally fell asleep I'm almost out of duck tape.0

Unknown to Ulquiorra someone was fallowing him through the halls of Las Noches. Waiting for their time to act.

As Ulquiorra turned to corner to go to lord Aizen's chambers he was suddenly attacked!

'WHAT THE"….

"Emo face!" Shouted Orihime cutting off Ulquiorra's last words I woke up from my nap and you weren't there and…. Orihime didn't get to finish off her sentence because she was suddenly tackled by none other than Queen Espada.

Queen Espada: hey you big dumb bimbo stay away from my property got it!

Orihime: What do you mean "your property" Ulquiorra does not belong to you!

Queen Espada: like hell he does so stay away or else!

Orihime: I don't see your name on him!

Queen Espada: *grabs Ulquiorra and turns him so his back is facing them and points to little tag sewed to his uniform* { Property of Queen espada, Do not touch }

Orihime: O well I wonder y I haven't noticed that before?

Queen Espada: yea so stay away got that !

Ulquiorra: ( How long have I been walking around with that sewed to by back?)

* * *

A/N ok i know i took a really long time updating but i got distracted by other stories i was reading i love to read fan fiction espicaly if it has grimmjow in it and it is getting harder to find ones with him with OC's or with female charectors ( i mean come on what makes people make him gay in his stories i dont read boy on boy im sorry it makes me cringed, well i did read one and liked it but it is the only one i found i liked)

o yea i didnt read over this so there are bound to be mistakes so for that i am gravely sorry

Please review thats what keeps me going!


	7. READ THIS PLEASE !

Ok so this is not a chapter (sorry if I got your hopes up but you should know I don't update that quick)

Ok this little thingy is for well I want your ideas and what you want to read in the next chapters (I have writhers block X( )

So if you would send me an email or send me a message whichever floats your boat?

O yea I had another idea for a story its name would be "elemental" it's a Grimmjow X OC kinda thing so tell me what u think about that and give me some ideas of what I could put the characters of my current story through I will reply to everyone that sends me a message no matter how out there your ideas are.

( my email just for you cause im nice like that lol)


	8. Chapter 8

O I'm back finally; I had a lot to do and couldn't type so that's why it has taken so long to get this next chapter up.

Yall had some pretty strange ideas and sorry I didn't reply to you my computer is possessed with something and is being weird. I know that this story could be rated T so that is why the rating is changed language aint enough to make it M. so I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Grimmjow's room

*Yawn* "damn what time is it"( and why do I feel so warm?)

* Mumbles in sleep* "Don't my chappy put him down or else!"

(What the fuck is the midget doing in my bed? Waite what happened last night? Hmm)

FLASHBACK!!!

Plleeeeaseee!

"No, why don't you just leave me alone ( I don't know how much I can fucken take of this!)

"Come on just let me touch it once and I wont ask you or say another word for the rest of the day.

-sigh-" ok fine then but if u mess p my hair I will kill you.

YEY! *runs her fingers through Grimmjow's hair over and over again*

(hmm this isn't half bad makes me want to fall asleep.)

(must not fall asleep…... Cant resist eyelids heavy……….)

END FLASHBACK!!

"shit" hey midget wake up!

No

Come on get your ass out of my bed now! *shakes her*

No go away leave chappy alone!

What the fuck are u talking about get your ass out of bed right now!

By this time Grimmjow is on his knees besides Rukia.

NOOOOOO LEAVE CHAPPY ALONE!!!

Rukia jumps up in her sleep slamming her fist into Grimmjows jaw, Grimmjow falls backwards off the bed onto to floor in a heap of unconsciousness

umm what just happened? oh it was just a dream. Oww what happened to my hand

as she looks at her hand which is now turning black and blue she notices Grimmjow on the floor.

OMFG Grimmjow are you ok? Hey answer me god damn it

Rukia get down on her knees and looks him over

"oops (did I do this?) *touches the mark on his face*

Sigh o well

Ok I know it's really really short and I hate it not just the shortness but the whole chapter ( if u can call this a chapter which I really drought u can and I didn't spell check so there are probably some spelling errors.

IDK if I'm gonna finish this story cause I really want to start on this other one and im out of things to do or how to make them happen sometimes there are just no remedies for writers block then to just put the story aside for a little while and I just might have to do that so sorry to all of you who like this story I will finish it eventually (I hope)


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